There are bigger bastards out there...but i try harder.

I haven't done this in a while and I ought to more often.
This is dedicated to a dear friend of mine, following comments delivered last night.

After scrutinizing relationships the last few months , I've got a few core notes I would like to share:

When I started meeting new people, especially those in relationships, they seemed immensely in love. And for most of the part I wished that I could build relationships like them. In essence, when we're having a party, their love seemed fairytalelike. None of the sorts that I used to have. (okay, that's a lie...mine started out the same...so in love, little gifts...butterflies just seeing her...little notes on your windscreen when you come from class...and phone calls that last forever). And as you start to truly get to know them better, you realize...their relationship's have the same troubles that mine had. You feel unacknowledged, disheartened most of the time; and sitting next to her you just don't know what to say any longer.

And this is when it all goes wrong. You start thinking: "Could I do better?" and a simple and honest answer would be "definitely". We can all do better, always, but that's not what it's about. Honestly, the couples can say this and that about each other, but they always end up saying that he/she isn't a bad guy/girl, or even great. Then, why can’t we love the person for who he/she is? The answer: As humans we always strive to do better, to achieve more, in other words "dream". Without it, we’ll all end up in doing either nothing or commit suicide, being no point to live at all. Then, what’s the point of a relationship? I think a relationship should be about you loving and cherishing someone else and vice versa (The process, and this could be anyone). And it’s hard to love someone all the time, and it's not perfect, but in the end it should be all that matters. You can have dreams, just be careful where you steer them at. Try to wake up in the morning and tell yourself that this is going to be the best day of my life. Accept the fact that some days its going to be hard and it’s not going to be a fairy tale. Sometimes you're going to feel stuck in one place for what seems forever. You’re probably going to wish you’d found someone else, believe me once you're there, be sure you’re not wishing you were back with her/him. It's the worst. And think about the future…with you staring back at your past, not regretting that you lost out somewhere or came up short with someone else.

This phenomenon also applies to friends and the company you keep. Believe me, meeting new friends is fun and adds a little perspective to your live, but don’t discard the friends you already have…they are just as good, and might not always be that exciting…because thats only because you’ve known them for so long. In other words, you might not get butterflies when you see them, but they are the folk you classify as the people you’d love to sit in an old age home with, exchanging false teeth and counting on moral support when the Alzheimer’s sets in, again.

People are so unkind.
The world begins to disappear, the worst things come from inside here.
We’ll never be together again, never ever ever again.
What you fear in the night, comes to call in the day anyhow.
I wish December would end.

never ever ever again